You need to stop trying to fit me into categories that are familiar to you, but are inaccurate in describing my motives, or my character. Guilty people seem to feel vulnerable around truthful people because you think someone who strives to be an honest person exposes the dishonesty in your own character. It is because I have been hurt by lies and inhumanity myself that has made me care so much about truth and humanity. I have learned that a lot of people are very uncomfortable with the idea of realness.
People get downright vicious towards me. Guilty people feel so threatened by my effort to be truthful and humane, that you seem to think I need to be reminded of my weaknesses and failures. I have had people repeat to me every bad thing I have ever done, to accuse me, and to convince themselves that I’m a fraud.
I have been dehumanized and forgotten by the cruelest people, who mattered enough to me that their actions and rejection continue to hurt. There is a corruptness in guilty people that makes you desperate to prove that anyone who proclaims to be truthful and genuinely humane must be a fraud. But in your desperation, all you do is project your lies, hate, and insecurities onto me.
I do realize that I’m a flawed human being. I lie sometimes, but I try not to lie. I strive to treat everyone with humanity, but sometimes I have trouble seeing humanity in people who have hurt me or others. I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable with me. It’s not easy for me to be like this either.
The nature of my character causes people to attack and accuse me. I’m not sitting atop some self-righteous perch, with a smug smile, thanking people for accusing me. I’m human, and when you accuse me, I feel pain. When you betray me and spit lies at me like bullets to justify your betrayal, it hurts. When you tell me and others how bad I am, when you’re really describing yourself, it feels like I’m getting a beating. But when others decide to hate me based on what you said about me, that’s not your fault, it’s theirs.
I choose to be truthful and humane because those things about you that you use to hurt others, you have used to hurt me. I never want to make anyone feel the way you have made me feel.
This post is not addressed to a single person. It is addressed to a composite of people who have tried their best to discredit me to make themselves feel better about their own corruptness. And although the nature of your character will probably cause you to read this post as having an accusatory tone, I am not accusing anyone. I’m only honestly addressing a problem I encounter often.